


It's a Sad Song (But We Sing it Anyway)

by RosettaStarlight



Category: Hadestown - Mitchell, Percy Jackson and the Olympians & Related Fandoms - All Media Types, The Heroes of Olympus - Rick Riordan
Genre: Alternate Universe, And other song references, Angst, Hadestown References, Hurt No Comfort, I Tried, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Inspired by Hadestown, Inspired by Orpheus and Eurydice (Ancient Greek Religion & Lore), M/M, No Happy Ending Fest, Song: Doubt Comes In, We all know how this ends, What Was I Thinking?, Why Did I Write This?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-12
Updated: 2021-03-12
Packaged: 2021-03-18 20:27:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,102
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29988387
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RosettaStarlight/pseuds/RosettaStarlight
Summary: "Orpheus, the undersignedShall not turn to look behind"Nico reassured him this wasn’t a trick, only a test. A simple test. Just trust him. Trust them both. But it wouldn't be the first time the gods’ chose not to keep their word. He alone was an example of a god's broken oath."He's out of sight,And he's out of his mind!"
Relationships: Jason Grace/Leo Valdez
Comments: 7
Kudos: 9





	It's a Sad Song (But We Sing it Anyway)

_ Let them leave together, _

_ Under one condition. _

It was too easy. That after every hardship Jason faced, every kick and punch and aching step on feet begging for rest, Hades had just...let them  _ go _ . Just like that. Had he really reached through to him? Or was this another trick up the god’s sleeve?

_ Orpheus, the undersigned _

_ Shall not turn to look behind _

Nico reassured him this wasn’t a trick, only a test. A simple test. Just trust him. Trust them both. But it wouldn't be the first time the gods’ chose not to keep their word. He alone was an example of a god's broken oath.

_ He’s out of sight, _

_ And he’s out of his mind! _

It wasn’t even a hard test. All he had to do was keep on walking and don’t look back no matter what, not even for a second. Not to check to see if Leo was following, nor if he was alright, not to see if he was there at all. And somehow the same advice he’d followed with such little effort all the way down to Hadestown now felt like a weight on his shoulders, growing heavier with each step back up to the light. Back home.

Keep his gaze forward until they are back up at the surface. Easy. He could do it. He had no choice. Not after coming all this way. Not after he finally got Leo back. He couldn’t let him down again.

The silence was deafening, and the darkness around all consuming. 

“I promise, we’ll get through this together.”

Jason was strong enough. He had walked on foot all the way down to Hadestown to find Leo and bring him back where he belonged, up above, with him. He promised himself that this time, he wouldn’t let him out of his sight once they were home. He would do whatever he needed to support them both, so Leo would never be so desperate to leave him again. Like….

_ And you know how muses are _

_ Sometimes, they abandon you _

He promised. And this time, no matter what, he’d keep it. 

_ What does this boy mean to you?  _ the god of the dead had asked when Jason had come, begging for him to release Leo from his contract so he could come home. For, truly, why would he dare tread where no one had ever tread before, or at the very least, never returned to tell the tale, for a single person?

Who was Leo Valdez to him?

A little bit of everything. Family, his best friend, a lover. He was never quite sure where they stood, how cautious they became around each other after that first kiss. Love, after all, was more than either of them had ever known. 

Jason’s mother had left him with a god and then never came back, and it haunted him for the rest of his life. Leo was a runaway from everywhere he’d ever been. He never knew what it was that always led to him running from town to town: people, memories, the past, the pain. All he knew was that Jason was the only person Leo had ever allowed himself to stay for.

He’d still left, but he’d lasted longer than he had anywhere else.

_ Do you love him? _

Of course he does.

If anything, Jason knows that. He knew it from the moment he saw Leo sitting by himself all alone. An odd sense of deja vu had hit him like a train, like he’d known him all his life, long before they’d even met. And when they first spoke, he knew on some level, Leo felt the same way.

So Jason had sung Hades and Persephone’s song taught to him by his brother, praying for the strength his music had always given him. But as he did not have his magic, the world did not change. There was none of Leo’s warm smiles and fiery brown eyes when he laughed. There was only cold and darkness.

Hades' grudge against Jason’s father had not done him any favors. But he’d done it. All he had to do was abide by the rules.

He would be strong enough for both of them, had to be, for the future they were going to share together. Persephone herself had noted with almost admiration that Jason had the same love for Leo that she once had with her husband, like what his stepmother had once had for his own father, and still might despite his constant trysts. That the love they had for each other was the kind which could make the gods jealous, that could make the world whole again.

_ Doubt comes in  _

_ The wind is changing  _

_ How cold it’s blowing _

His breath came out in white puffs and the cold wind made him shiver. Was it the same wind that swept Leo to Hadestown? The same wind that once upon a time, long ago, swept away his mother to the next ghost town, never quite the motherly type to begin with and never one to stick around when the wind called her name. Maybe Jason could prevent it this time.

_ Doubt comes in _

_ And meets a stranger _

_ Walking on the road alone.  _

But what if he messed up again? Even if they make it out ( _when,_ when did it turn to _if?),_ Leo could always leave. Leave and never come back. No one’s ever really stayed with Jason. His father had left right after he was born, and his mother had dropped him off with Hera when Jason had only been a few years old. Even the gods and friends, who were family, left for other duties just as Persephone left every winter. 

_ Who are you? _

_ Who do you think you are? _

Hades could be playing a trick. He hated his father, and he hated  _ him _ , if not for his dad then for stirring the workers and their desire for freedom. Gods weaved lies with such little effort, many thought humans playthings, how did he know this wasn’t just another game? Something to get Jason’s hopes up only to yank the rug out from under him? 

_ Who are you to lead him? _

_ Who are you to lead them? _

No, no, those were just the voices talking. Voices who refused to leave him alone, resonating in his mind, whispering in his ear. He’d heard them before. Block them out, that’s what he’s always done, hasn’t he?

_ Who are you _

_ To think that you can hold your head up  _

_ Higher than your fellow man _

_ Always alone, aren’t you? How do you know you’re not alone right now?  _ No…. Leo was behind him, he knew it. That was just part of the deal. Trust. Trust the god’s words. As if the gods had ever truly done him favors…. 

Jason strained his ears as he put one foot in front of the other. He listened for something,  _ anything _ , that might tell him Leo was following, but there was nothing. Only silence with his own thoughts alone to fill it.

_ Who am I?  _

_ Where do I think I’m going? _

His mind became more clouded with every step he took. They promised each other. He promised him. He promised him...what? Something...important, wasn’t it? Had to be.

_ Doubt comes in _

Didn’t Leo break that promise first? He promised no more running. And yet, run he did. Or did Jason do it first? Making so many promises of hope and prosperity. And then fulfilling none of them.

_ Who am I? Why am I all alone? _

He shook his head, trying to focus. One foot in front of the other.

_ Who do I think I am? _

_ Who am I to think that he would follow me _

_ Into the cold and dark again? _

He remembered how Leo was a young boy always running, but deep down longing for stability and warmth. Jason had promised to be his safety, to be his if he would have him, and shelter him from whatever might hurt him. Wasn’t that what he’d been working for this whole time?

Yet, Leo had already left him once. What would Jason do without him if he wasn’t enough?

_ Where is he?  _

_ Where is he now? _

Leo watched from behind, hating how far away he had to be. He couldn’t even touch him, not even a simple touch on the arm to let him know he was there. But just a few minutes more, a few more steps, and it'd be over. There was much they'd need to talk about, too much they couldn't just forget, but they could  _ try _ .

This was a second chance, a chance to try again. Do a better job this time. Both of them.

Leo could try to have more faith. He’d done his best, but with the cold all around, the wind pushing ever way it could, all attempts to find work going up in flames or others being just as poor as he with little to pay, joined with Jason ignoring him in lieu of his attempts to bring Spring back, it had been all too easy to fall into the temptation Hades had offered. A place to stay, warmth, steady pay, something to put his hands and talent with metal to work. And when you’re desperate enough, it all sounds like a dream come true.

But now he found he didn’t care about the money. He just wanted to go home and be in Jason’s arms to never let go. When he left, he thought Jason might miss him, but then he’d get over him with time. Never thought he loved him enough to chase after him. Even offer up his own soul in servitude as long as it meant he could be by his side.

Now, he could see Jason struggling. He didn’t say anything, but he didn’t have to. Leo could tell from how tense the square of his shoulders were, his hands fidgeting at his sides.

He ignored the gaze of the workers on them as they cleared the path and showed the way forward. What had once been dead, empty stares (he tried not to remember how close he was to becoming like them--how all his memories had begun to fade, Jason’s face, and even his mother’s blurring before his eyes) were now sparked with defiance, filled with the flames of rebellion they had fanned.  _ Hope _ . Because if they could make it and just walk straight out of Hadestown, who was to say they couldn’t do the exact same?

Leo couldn’t deal with that type of pressure, and Jason may be used to it, but that couldn’t make this any easier for him. Everyone’s eyes on him, hoping for him to succeed. The disappointment should he fail.

But that wasn’t going to happen. There was something else behind the wall than just poverty. There was life, the sunlight, music, love, the stars gleaming in the vast sea of the night sky, the moon a calming beacon. Actual laughter, a sound long forgotten down below, everyone dead in all but body. 

Life above was hard, but still beautiful.

Leo kept trying to call out Jason’s name, but he gave no indication he could hear him. “I’m right here, Jason,” he promised regardless. “We’re sticking together this time.” He could already see the faint light of the sun up ahead. Just a few more steps and they’d be fine. 

They would make it.

  
  


Leo was still behind him, wasn’t he? He’d promised Jason he would be, that he would be with him to the end of the world if that’s what it took. Taking a deep breath, Jason fought the urge to turn his head, just a little….

No. The rules were simple. No turning back, at all. Not a single glance. Trust in him. Trust in the gods.

Despite how worthless their word Jason was starting to believe.

He called out his name in hope of a response, but all that greeted Jason was silence. He couldn’t even hear if there were soft footsteps trailing behind his.

_ Who am I? _

_ Who am I against him? _

_ Why would he let me win? _

Hades owned everything, and was so reluctant to let them go. His reluctance to let go of his queen was the reason behind this whole mess, the reason winter was always early, and summer so late, why the seasons had been so harsh lately. And now, with the signing of the contract he’d tricked Leo into, Hades owned his soul as well. Wouldn’t it be just as easy to go back on his word?

_ Why would he let him go? _

When Jason had made his plea, the god mused how Leo was one of his best workers by far. His inventions and efficiency with fixing things made construction of the wall all the more easier. Why would anyone be willing to part with something like that?

_ Who am I, _

_ To think that he wouldn’t decieve me _

_ Just to make me leave alone? _

What proof did Jason have that his beloved was right behind him? What if he got left behind and was destined to never see him again? He’d be denied entrance to Hadestown if he ever tried to go back again.

The gods could be smart beyond reason, and this one especially. He’d build a wall bigger than anything else on earth, and a businessman, been around longer than any of them with more experience than Jason could ever dream of. Even if he did keep his world, how hard would it be for Hades to find a loophole?

_ I used to see the way the world could be. _

Jason was used to following the rules, accepting and doing what he was told. People stayed when he obeyed the rules and did what was expected of him. He’d seen the potential world before him, full of light and flowers, bountiful harvests and laughter, all perfect for his loved ones, and especially Leo. A world none of them would ever have to worry about going hungry again with all the world to explore.

_ But now the way it is is all I see...  _

And without his idealistic goggles through which he saw the future through, all he saw was darkness. Nothing. It was just him. Again.

_ Always alone, aren’t you? _ Jason knew it in his core. Leo wasn’t there at all, was he? It was only him walking step after step out of hell without the very one he traveled there for. The voices were only trying to warn him. Why would he be stupid enough to think the king of the underworld would let a soul leave his kingdom?

_ It’s a test. _

_ Why not just a quick check? _

He bit his lip. Fought to keep his head low, on his feet stepping forward. The exit couldn’t be all that far. With a few more steps, he could check for himself and finally know.

_ Where is he? _

_ Where is he now? _

A glance over his shoulder wouldn’t hurt, would it? A slight glimpse would ease all his worries. If he just caught Leo out the corner of his eye, everything would be just fine. It would give him the strength to keep on walking with his head held high to know Leo was there and he was bringing him home. Just to make sure he was okay. 

“Hold on, Jason,” Leo reassured him, raising his voice so it would reach him, but it seemed futile. “It won’t be much longer.”

_ They were so close.  _ He could almost taste the fresh air as gentle streams of sunlight seeped in through the gates to the underworld, catching onto Jason’s hair like golden confetti. His heart leaped in his chest when Jason passed the threshold into the land of the living. A few more steps and they’d be alright.

A couple more seconds, and Leo would be right there beside him.

Everything would be fine.

Leo quickened his pace, only a few feet between them now. He put his foot on the top step. He could see the sky, almost feel the sun on his skin. He reached out his hand—

All the air left his lungs as Jason turned around.

He froze. Jason’s eyes were wide, unfocused, but they filled with horror as he realized what he’d done.

“It’s you,” Jason finally said after what felt like an eternity. His voice broke. Despair twisted his features, his hands shaking, fearing the inevitable consequence of his mistake.

“It’s me."

Leo met his blue eyes for one last time, his heartbreak reflecting painfully on them. He didn’t want to believe it. What he wanted was to feel Jason’s arms around him, see the sun and the flowers of spring. But instead, he felt cold, as if a veil of ice shroud him. 

It was fine. He’d been doomed ever since he’d accepted the ticket to Hadestown, so it was no one’s fault but his own. He had been the one to sign away his soul, not Jason. Leo supposed he had expected too much from him, but at least he’d cared enough to come all this way…

Right? 

“No!” Jason lurched to grab Leo, but he had faded away into dust before his hand could even graze his.

What had he done? Jason stared at the empty space Leo once stood. How could he have failed? He’d doomed them both. Or had it always been meant to be, and all he’d done was a futile attempt to stop the inevitable?

He fell on his knees, clenching his chest as his heart wept. Lightning cracked across the sky as it filled with heavy, dark clouds. Tears poured down his dirty cheeks, and somehow, he knew Leo was in the same emotional distress, and the knowledge that he was all alone with no one to comfort him killed him.

He hated himself, hated how weak he was. Why did he always have to be the one to lead? For this, he should have been the one to follow, because if the roles had been reversed, Leo wouldn’t have looked back. He would have trusted Jason and walked out with hsi eyes forward until they were both safe together. 

Yet that just wasn’t the way the story went.

Instead Jason was cursed to live a loveless life in the land of the living and Leo was destined to slave away in the mines and factories of Hadestown for the rest of eternity, a whole world beyond Jason’s reach, that he could never return. 

One simple test. A couple of steps. 

And he ruined everything. 


End file.
